Before a new engagement – work, play, school, etc. – know all the variables and how they move. Before starting a new venture, talk to the people who have already done what you want to to. Ask them what worked, what didn’t work and how they would do things differently the second time around. There is no reason to re-invent the wheel.
List your competition – their strengths and weaknesses. Devise a strategy to beat them. Make partnerships to help you accomplish your goal. You may need to scratch their back too, and that is normal.
Find an accountabilibuddy and hold weekly audit checks. Your buddy will ask you if you accomplished what you set out to. There should be consequences of not accomplishing your goal.
There are other habits to help overcome a difficult challenge, but it all starts with knowing the rules of the game you are about to play.
Zero is also a number. The lack of something is also a “thing”. Saying nothing can be “saying something”.
Strategic silence during conversation is a powerful way to:
get your point across
underline something you said earlier
express dissatisfaction or express disapproval
show dominance
How to Practice Silence
The best way to practice silence is to talk to yourself in your head. Almost like talking to a “second you”. And forcing this “second you” to simply listen. This works because people like others to hear them out. This is the main reason we have arguments. Because both parties want the other to just listen.
So, when in an argument that you don’t want to be part of, simply start arguing to this “second you” in your head. This will also tune you out of the words being bombarded towards you by the other party.
Finally, after you have vented to the “second you” in your head, and the other person is still talking, you can start playing your favourite tune in your head. I like the Godfather Theme, or one of many classical themes by Beethoven, but you can take your pick.
With practice you get better at this game and you realize that you are not involved in as many arguments as you used to be.
Hey, are you
listening? If you can just stop for a sec and let me finish.
The smartest people in the world have a few things in
common. But, I believe that the fundamental commonality must be their ability
to listen more often than speak.
Listening is more draining than talking, which may sound
strange. But there is a difference between “listening” and “active listening”.
The former is the one I am talking about and this is what we shall explore
further.
Active Listening
Hey, did you hear what
I just said? Oh really, tell me what I just said.
Active listening means that you are engaged. You are
actively trying to visualize what you are hearing. You are empathizing with the
speaker. Sure, you have a solution that is obvious to you as you are enduring
this word bombardment. All you have to do is interrupt the speaker and shout
out this obvious solution. But wait. You have tried this in the past and you
have learnt that it only makes the speaker talk more.
Active listening is very hard. You must first bury your ego
and set aside your priorities. If you care enough about the speaker then it is
only fair to shut up and listen actively. And if the speaker has no bearing on
your life, or if you have better things to do, then just walk away.
Active listening is not waiting
to talk. After the speaker has finished, you allow a couple of second’s
silence before you talk. As a matter of fact, this is an efficient way to
“batch” the interaction. Give it your full attention and come to a resolution,
rather than chip away at it over a longer time.
How to be a better listener: mini-game
Like any skill, active listening is something that can be
learnt with practice. I want to share a mental game that has worked for me:
Engage the speaker: so tell me about…
Try to imagine and visualize the situation. Put
yourself in the POV of the speaker
Do not speak except to punctuate the speaker’s
pauses with “aha” and “hmm”
When the speaker has finished, allow a few
seconds of silence and then summarize the story you just heard
What happens next is dependent on the situation. If it is a
family setting, perhaps a hug is in order before you provide your solution. If
it is a work setting, perhaps an anecdote is required before presenting the
solution. Or, if it is a serious work setting, you need to cut to the chase and
provide your solution right away.
No matter what the situation, I strongly believe that this
single skill is the most important one to master.
The best
way to guarantee that you don’t get hurt is: not to expect anything from
others.
Every
individual has their own priority in life. These are shaped by individual
experiences – each hero has their own journey. It is therefore unwise to expect
someone else to share the same priority as you do. Of course, sometimes paths
do cross and two individuals can share a momentary sense of directionality.
However, it is foolish to believe that this will always be true. There are far
too many variables.
So, what is
the best practice? Something that can guarantee minimizing heart-break, anger
and frustration? Self-reliance. Only expect from yourself. Only rely on
yourself. Try to be the best version of yourself.
What is the natural state of the universe? If we were to stand still and do nothing, what affect does that have on the universe?
Entropy
To answer the question above, we must look to physics. The second law of thermodynamics states that the total entropy of the universe is increases. What is entropy? In simple terms, entropy is the amount of disorder. If you were to sum up all the chaos in the universe and assign a number to it, this number will get bigger over time.
The reason for this increase of disorder is that the universe is expanding. Without turning this into a physics lesson, we can extrapolate some very practical conclusions here. I will attempt to outline some of these principles below.
Personal Growth
Let’s look at personal growth and development. If you are not growing, then you are shrinking. There is no standing still. This is because the universe is expanding around you. To combat this, one must constantly learn new skills all the time. There are many ways to do this: taking classes, reading, exploring, challenging yourself intellectually, physically, etc.
Growing internally means you are part of the universe around you and will not disappear with time.
Financial Markets
This principle of expansion is very true for the financial markets. Our current financial system works on the premise of growth: inflation, credit and debt increase, fiat currency, are all different words for the same phenomenon – entropy.
It is important to allocate time and energy in investing for financial growth. If not, the buying power of your money will depreciate with time.
Efficiency
To be increasingly productive over time, one needs to increase efficiency. Efficiency is different from productivity. I can be productive with my time by filling it with tasks and keeping myself busy. But if I am more efficient, it means that I can accomplish more in less time.
The core message here is quite simple: invest in yourself for personal growth.
I am a glass half-full type of person. I strongly believe such an attitude can be developed internally. Such a positive outlook on life is contagious. It is one of those things that compounds over time, so the sooner this is developed the better.
Here are some simple habits and reminders that can help on stay optimistic.
Find Your Anchor
You anchor is something that grounds you. It is what keeps you real, what keeps you motivated and on course. You truly enjoy doing this. When you accomplish your daily anchor, all is good in the world and nothing can bring you down.
Dwayne Johnson, aka “The Rock”, says his anchor is working out every day. He likes to get up early in the morning – when the things you need to do during the day have not yet started distracting him – and go through his exercise routine.
It doesn’t even have to be some thing physical like exercise, running, swimming, etc. It can be as simple as meditation, journaling, relaxing in the sun, making your bed, whatever. The key is to use this activity as an anchor and truly believe that accomplishing this will mean you will conquer your day.
Protect your anchor.
Be Fearless
Be optimistic about each day, be adventurous, be open to the universe by saying YES. Be fearless – do one thing every day that puts you out of your comfort zone and scares you. Start with small things and work your way up. Develop the courage to ask for things that you would otherwise be shy of. Of course, don’t jump off a bridge.
A couple of awesome short audios you can listen to every morning to help with this:
Captain Chris Hadfield, the famous Canadian astronaut, describes the preparations required for every mission and how that has changed his approach to life. He describes this wonderfully in his book.
The idea is to be prepared for the worst but hope for the best. Always have a plan B for every mission.
Know Your Weaknesses
As you will implement some new habits in your daily routine, you will have a feeling of what works and what does not. Be ready to experiment with this. Know your weaknesses and be realistic. Set goals and systems that you can achieve and be able to implement.
The worst thing that can happen is you set a ridiculous goal and never achieve it, get dishearten and lose momentum. Then you need to start from scratch again.
Know what works for you.
Careful with Your Friends
We are the sum average of the 5 people we hang out with. This is a rule. The people you inspire to be will be where you end up. So just be careful who your friends are.
A very simple rule to live by is:
“I want to leave the world in a better place than how I found it.”
In science we have this important concept of “signal-to-noise”. It is quite straight forward to understand: signal-to-noise is a ratio to compare the level of desired signal to level of background noise.
The concept of “noise” is also quite important. This noise is the signals coming from factors that are present in the environment – also called the matrix.
The objective of fine tuning the signal-to-noise is to get a better separation of the desired outcome (signal) from the background noise.
Desired Outcome
Applying this simple concept into the daily life, we can do things that will boost our “signal”. It is a well-established practice of most entrepreneurs to work with lists. These lists are for daily to-do tasks, or for key long-term goals. Now why are they so effective?
It comes down to focus. When we make these lists, we are tuning our signal-to-noise detectors on a sub-conscious level. The act of creating these lists – on paper or electronically – sharpens our senses in such a way as to boost these otherwise noise signals. There is no magic here; these signals were already around us, but now because we have fine tuned our sensors, they will “pop-out” of the background noise once we encounter them again.
Let me give you a practical example: say you are looking to buy a new car. You have done your homework and have come up with a “wish list” of SUVs: BMW X5, Audi Q7, Ford Explorer, etc. You suddenly start to notice that there are more SUV cars on the road than before you made your list! You know this is not possible. The only reason you are noticing more SUVs suddenly is that your brain is now sensitized to these cars which were previously just noise.
You want to improve your daily routine and be more productive? Accomplish more at work in the same amount of time? Live a healthier lifestyle? Explore business opportunities for passive income?
Start by making a list. This will tune your detectors which will be more effective at boosting the signal-to-noise and before you know it, the opportunity you are looking for will be staring you in your face.
Almost everyone I know who is successful has some sort of a daily meditation practice. Yet this is one habit that has been difficult for me to adapt to my routine. There are many types of meditative practices, and one of the challenges has been to pick one that suits me and fits my time slot.
I recently found one that was 20 minutes and it was quite good. I have distilled it down to about 6 minutes (2 minutes each section) and here is how it goes:
6 Minute Meditation
And that is it. You can do this in your mind, like how the monks do it, or you can do it on a journal by writing things down.
If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one to hear it, did it make a sound?
The sound of your voice tells a lot about your personality. Are you someone who is confident, in control, or are you someone who needs to be told what to do. It might seem unfair that when you meet someone for the first time, you are judged based on your voice first, then other parameters. But, you do the same to others. It is one of the many mental heuristics put in place by evolution.
Our ears are different from our eyes in that there is no “lid”, or an “off” switch. Our ears are always on. They must constantly deal with Signal to Noise problems. Realizing this, we need to make sure our audience is hearing what we are saying.
So the next question is, what can I do to make sure I am heard? Excellent question. I have put some thought on this topic, and based on what I have read, seen and heard, here are 3 things to help you be heard.
1. Breathing from the Diaphragm
Have you ever seen a baby sleep? When they are breathing, pay attention to their bellies – they expand and contract like a balloon. This is the most efficient way to breathe. You pull your diaphragm down and allow air to fill up your lungs completely, then deflate using your diaphragm again.
Proper breathing is the first step to proper speaking. This will facilitate point # 2 below. There is an excellent article on diaphragmatic breathinghere.
In addition to these conscious breathing exercises, a couple of additional things you can do:
Meditation: which is simply conscious breathing, while keeping your mind clear of any thoughts
Swimming: helps with efficient breathing and forcing diaphragmatic breathing
As an added bonus, breathing from the diaphragm will passively improves posture, which will in turn improve confidence.
2. Location of Your Voice
When you speak, sound waves need to first bounce within your body before you send them outwards. This can happen in one of three places:
Nose: very nasal sounding voice
Throat: somewhat deeper than nasal
Chest: very deep voice, public speakers and leaders typically speak from down here
Try this yourself, you can pick which of the above three areas your voice comes from. This will affect how authoritative you are perceived as.
3. Vocal Exercises
Like any muscle in the body, your mouth organ needs to be exercised for optimal performance. There are numerous suggestions on this by the experts (which I am not), but here are a few that I like.
Julian Treasure has made a career out of this subject. He is an expert on this and has several TED talks and books written.
You may bot want to be a public speaker, or the next great military leader, but being conscious of what you sound like is something we can all benefit from in our daily lives.
