The best
way to guarantee that you don’t get hurt is: not to expect anything from
others.
Every
individual has their own priority in life. These are shaped by individual
experiences – each hero has their own journey. It is therefore unwise to expect
someone else to share the same priority as you do. Of course, sometimes paths
do cross and two individuals can share a momentary sense of directionality.
However, it is foolish to believe that this will always be true. There are far
too many variables.
So, what is
the best practice? Something that can guarantee minimizing heart-break, anger
and frustration? Self-reliance. Only expect from yourself. Only rely on
yourself. Try to be the best version of yourself.
I am a glass half-full type of person. I strongly believe such an attitude can be developed internally. Such a positive outlook on life is contagious. It is one of those things that compounds over time, so the sooner this is developed the better.
Here are some simple habits and reminders that can help on stay optimistic.
Find Your Anchor
You anchor is something that grounds you. It is what keeps you real, what keeps you motivated and on course. You truly enjoy doing this. When you accomplish your daily anchor, all is good in the world and nothing can bring you down.
Dwayne Johnson, aka “The Rock”, says his anchor is working out every day. He likes to get up early in the morning – when the things you need to do during the day have not yet started distracting him – and go through his exercise routine.
It doesn’t even have to be some thing physical like exercise, running, swimming, etc. It can be as simple as meditation, journaling, relaxing in the sun, making your bed, whatever. The key is to use this activity as an anchor and truly believe that accomplishing this will mean you will conquer your day.
Protect your anchor.
Be Fearless
Be optimistic about each day, be adventurous, be open to the universe by saying YES. Be fearless – do one thing every day that puts you out of your comfort zone and scares you. Start with small things and work your way up. Develop the courage to ask for things that you would otherwise be shy of. Of course, don’t jump off a bridge.
A couple of awesome short audios you can listen to every morning to help with this:
Captain Chris Hadfield, the famous Canadian astronaut, describes the preparations required for every mission and how that has changed his approach to life. He describes this wonderfully in his book.
The idea is to be prepared for the worst but hope for the best. Always have a plan B for every mission.
Know Your Weaknesses
As you will implement some new habits in your daily routine, you will have a feeling of what works and what does not. Be ready to experiment with this. Know your weaknesses and be realistic. Set goals and systems that you can achieve and be able to implement.
The worst thing that can happen is you set a ridiculous goal and never achieve it, get dishearten and lose momentum. Then you need to start from scratch again.
Know what works for you.
Careful with Your Friends
We are the sum average of the 5 people we hang out with. This is a rule. The people you inspire to be will be where you end up. So just be careful who your friends are.
A very simple rule to live by is:
“I want to leave the world in a better place than how I found it.”
Almost everyone I know who is successful has some sort of a daily meditation practice. Yet this is one habit that has been difficult for me to adapt to my routine. There are many types of meditative practices, and one of the challenges has been to pick one that suits me and fits my time slot.
I recently found one that was 20 minutes and it was quite good. I have distilled it down to about 6 minutes (2 minutes each section) and here is how it goes:
6 Minute Meditation
And that is it. You can do this in your mind, like how the monks do it, or you can do it on a journal by writing things down.
There is a fire in the town of South Park, Colorado. A residential building is ablaze, and people are trapped inside. The fire spread very rapidly and now it is completely out of control. The fire captain is quickly running out of options. Then suddenly, when all hope seemed lost, the police officer notices…
Officer: Wait. Look! Up in the sky!
Fireman: It’s him! My God, it’s really him!
Fire Captain: He’s come to help us. Captain Hindsight!
Pedestrian: Who’s Captain Hindsight?
Announcer: Captain Hindsight, the hero of the modern age. [a series of comic book pictures follows] Once known as Jack Brolin, a reporter for the national news, the hero was born when a freak accident gave him the amazing power of extraordinary hindsight. From toxic spills to unjust wars there is no task too large for… Captain Hindsight! [the hero descends and lands next to the firemen]
Fire Captain: Captain Hindsight, thank God you’ve come!
Captain Hindsight: What’s the skinny?
Fireman: There’s people trapped in that burning building, Captain Hindsight. And the fire is so massive we can’t get to them.
Captain Hindsight: Hmmm… You see those windows on the right side? They should have built fire escapes on those windows for the higher floors, then people could have gotten down. And then on the roof: they should have built it with a more reinforce structure, so a helicopter could have landed on it.
Fireman: Yes, of course.
Captain Hindsight: And then you see that building to the left?
Fire Captain: Yes.
Captain Hindsight: They shouldn’t have built that there. Because now you can’t park any fire trucks where you really need to. [stands up tall] Well, looks like my job here is done. Goodbye everyone! [takes off]
Fireman: Thank you, Captain Hindsight!
Officer: Thank youuu!
Fire Captain: All right everyone, I guess that’s it. Let’s pack it up
Captain Hindsight is the worst superhero of all time! What we really need is Captain Proactive.
Proactive vs reactive
“The best way to predict your future is to create it.” -Abraham Lincoln
What does it mean to be proactive and why is it important?
I think the Captain Hindsight story above is a great way to stress the importance of being proactive. Being proactive is one of the 7 key habits of highly successful people, as Stephen Covey mentions in his excellent book on the subject.
Being proactive is important because this is something that sets you apart. Most of us are reactive. Stuck in the rat-race, looking for the cheese, too busy to look up. The ones that do look up, quickly figure out the best way to get the cheese is to think outside the box.
This point of Proactive vs Reactive is beautifully explained in this video:
Goals vs Systems
I will mention one important distinction between goals and systems: goals are temporary, systems are not. Although goals have their place, we should focus our efforts in creating systems of proactivity that will last beyond that one goal accomplishment.
In his excellent book titled “An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth”, the Canadian astronaut Colonel Chris Hadfield, talks about the importance of having a “Plan B”. The Colonel talks about how a significant portion of astronaut training is focused on having multiple Plan B-s for every operation. The astronaut must know each of these alternatives, and know them very well, before every mission.
This might seem a little excessive for civilian life but drives home the importance of proactive thinking before every task.
The Worst-Case Scenario
Thus, before embarking on a new venture, ask yourself these simple questions:
What is the worst that can happen? So long as this worst-case scenario does not endanger your life or someone else’s, 99% of “worst cases” are not really that bad.
What is the opportunity cost? I.e. the cost of doing nothing.
What is the best possible outcome? Most of the time, the gains from taking the risk are significant.
The passive benefit for doing this every time, is creating a system where you get better at evaluating and preparing for any opportunity that becomes available to you.
Inspiration sources
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey
An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth, by Chris Hadfield
It’s opposite day today. What you were told is bad for you, is actually good for you. Before you get carried away and jump off a high place, let me clarify. I am not talking about doing stupid things that might take you to meet your maker. I am talking about the everyday practical challenges that make you afraid. Afraid of trying out something new, change, embarrassment, rejection, failure.
Our brain is wired for survival. And a good rule of survival is that familiarity is safe, and the unknown is to be feared. On top of this, conventional wisdom is generally wrong. I will argue that fear is nothing more than an opportunity to grow.
Philosophy of Fear
Stoicism – besides being one way of being associated with the “hipsters” – offers practical solutions to life’s big problems.
Go ahead and have a listen to this 9min reading of Seneca’s Letter # 13, which is titled “On Groundless Fear”. If you don’t have 9min, then listen at 1.25x, or 1.50x. Then do yourself a favor and bookmark it or download it to your phone. It will come very handy in future, I promise.
For your convenience, here is a very short summary on how to deal with fear, based on Seneca’s Letter # 13:
Remember the times you handled a challenging and fearful situation in the past. You can do it again.
Perhaps this thing that you are afraid of will never come, so why worry. And even if it does come, it will pass, so why worry.
Cure for Fear
There is only one cure for fear, and it is action! Something can only be “new” for the first time. Ask yourself: “what is the worst that can happen?”. And if the answer is not that big of a deal, then go for it. Chase the storm, go to where the fear is.
Change is about conditioning. Compounded over time, it becomes habit. Which further compounds to become personality. I suggest the following very simple conditioning to not be afraid:
Do one thing every day that scares you
Start with simple things, then increase the dose daily to push your limits. Depending on the individual, asking for an extra cream in your coffee might be a cause of fear. Or, for the brave, bungee jumping with your arms tied around your back might be fearful. Whatever it may be, do one thing daily.
