When you think about personal development and growth, it is one thing to learn something new to get marginally better, but learning completely new things to “add dimensions” is a whole next level.
As a matter of fact, add dimensions should be the best way to prioritize projects in your pipeline. Allow me to elaborate…
If you are a “flatlander” and live on a piece of paper, you can move either in the X-axis or the Y-axis. If you figure out that there is a Z-axis and start flying out of the paper and landing on a different spot on your paper, you have added a new dimension to your capabilities.
Same is true if you learn a new language, new program, new job skill, etc. You make your competition irrelevant and obsolete very quickly.
Of course it is not easy. But adding a new dimension never is!
I wanted to talk about these 4 personality types more…but I found that someone had done a good job with this already. No reason to re-write it here, so here is the link.
It is important to know the personality of the person you are talking to. That way you can handle the conversation better. It is like dancing – know your partner’s dancing style and you can adjust accordingly.
Before a new engagement – work, play, school, etc. – know all the variables and how they move. Before starting a new venture, talk to the people who have already done what you want to to. Ask them what worked, what didn’t work and how they would do things differently the second time around. There is no reason to re-invent the wheel.
List your competition – their strengths and weaknesses. Devise a strategy to beat them. Make partnerships to help you accomplish your goal. You may need to scratch their back too, and that is normal.
Find an accountabilibuddy and hold weekly audit checks. Your buddy will ask you if you accomplished what you set out to. There should be consequences of not accomplishing your goal.
There are other habits to help overcome a difficult challenge, but it all starts with knowing the rules of the game you are about to play.
Hey, are you
listening? If you can just stop for a sec and let me finish.
The smartest people in the world have a few things in
common. But, I believe that the fundamental commonality must be their ability
to listen more often than speak.
Listening is more draining than talking, which may sound
strange. But there is a difference between “listening” and “active listening”.
The former is the one I am talking about and this is what we shall explore
further.
Active Listening
Hey, did you hear what
I just said? Oh really, tell me what I just said.
Active listening means that you are engaged. You are
actively trying to visualize what you are hearing. You are empathizing with the
speaker. Sure, you have a solution that is obvious to you as you are enduring
this word bombardment. All you have to do is interrupt the speaker and shout
out this obvious solution. But wait. You have tried this in the past and you
have learnt that it only makes the speaker talk more.
Active listening is very hard. You must first bury your ego
and set aside your priorities. If you care enough about the speaker then it is
only fair to shut up and listen actively. And if the speaker has no bearing on
your life, or if you have better things to do, then just walk away.
Active listening is not waiting
to talk. After the speaker has finished, you allow a couple of second’s
silence before you talk. As a matter of fact, this is an efficient way to
“batch” the interaction. Give it your full attention and come to a resolution,
rather than chip away at it over a longer time.
How to be a better listener: mini-game
Like any skill, active listening is something that can be
learnt with practice. I want to share a mental game that has worked for me:
Engage the speaker: so tell me about…
Try to imagine and visualize the situation. Put
yourself in the POV of the speaker
Do not speak except to punctuate the speaker’s
pauses with “aha” and “hmm”
When the speaker has finished, allow a few
seconds of silence and then summarize the story you just heard
What happens next is dependent on the situation. If it is a
family setting, perhaps a hug is in order before you provide your solution. If
it is a work setting, perhaps an anecdote is required before presenting the
solution. Or, if it is a serious work setting, you need to cut to the chase and
provide your solution right away.
No matter what the situation, I strongly believe that this
single skill is the most important one to master.
I am a glass half-full type of person. I strongly believe such an attitude can be developed internally. Such a positive outlook on life is contagious. It is one of those things that compounds over time, so the sooner this is developed the better.
Here are some simple habits and reminders that can help on stay optimistic.
Find Your Anchor
You anchor is something that grounds you. It is what keeps you real, what keeps you motivated and on course. You truly enjoy doing this. When you accomplish your daily anchor, all is good in the world and nothing can bring you down.
Dwayne Johnson, aka “The Rock”, says his anchor is working out every day. He likes to get up early in the morning – when the things you need to do during the day have not yet started distracting him – and go through his exercise routine.
It doesn’t even have to be some thing physical like exercise, running, swimming, etc. It can be as simple as meditation, journaling, relaxing in the sun, making your bed, whatever. The key is to use this activity as an anchor and truly believe that accomplishing this will mean you will conquer your day.
Protect your anchor.
Be Fearless
Be optimistic about each day, be adventurous, be open to the universe by saying YES. Be fearless – do one thing every day that puts you out of your comfort zone and scares you. Start with small things and work your way up. Develop the courage to ask for things that you would otherwise be shy of. Of course, don’t jump off a bridge.
A couple of awesome short audios you can listen to every morning to help with this:
Captain Chris Hadfield, the famous Canadian astronaut, describes the preparations required for every mission and how that has changed his approach to life. He describes this wonderfully in his book.
The idea is to be prepared for the worst but hope for the best. Always have a plan B for every mission.
Know Your Weaknesses
As you will implement some new habits in your daily routine, you will have a feeling of what works and what does not. Be ready to experiment with this. Know your weaknesses and be realistic. Set goals and systems that you can achieve and be able to implement.
The worst thing that can happen is you set a ridiculous goal and never achieve it, get dishearten and lose momentum. Then you need to start from scratch again.
Know what works for you.
Careful with Your Friends
We are the sum average of the 5 people we hang out with. This is a rule. The people you inspire to be will be where you end up. So just be careful who your friends are.
A very simple rule to live by is:
“I want to leave the world in a better place than how I found it.”
In science we have this important concept of “signal-to-noise”. It is quite straight forward to understand: signal-to-noise is a ratio to compare the level of desired signal to level of background noise.
The concept of “noise” is also quite important. This noise is the signals coming from factors that are present in the environment – also called the matrix.
The objective of fine tuning the signal-to-noise is to get a better separation of the desired outcome (signal) from the background noise.
Desired Outcome
Applying this simple concept into the daily life, we can do things that will boost our “signal”. It is a well-established practice of most entrepreneurs to work with lists. These lists are for daily to-do tasks, or for key long-term goals. Now why are they so effective?
It comes down to focus. When we make these lists, we are tuning our signal-to-noise detectors on a sub-conscious level. The act of creating these lists – on paper or electronically – sharpens our senses in such a way as to boost these otherwise noise signals. There is no magic here; these signals were already around us, but now because we have fine tuned our sensors, they will “pop-out” of the background noise once we encounter them again.
Let me give you a practical example: say you are looking to buy a new car. You have done your homework and have come up with a “wish list” of SUVs: BMW X5, Audi Q7, Ford Explorer, etc. You suddenly start to notice that there are more SUV cars on the road than before you made your list! You know this is not possible. The only reason you are noticing more SUVs suddenly is that your brain is now sensitized to these cars which were previously just noise.
You want to improve your daily routine and be more productive? Accomplish more at work in the same amount of time? Live a healthier lifestyle? Explore business opportunities for passive income?
Start by making a list. This will tune your detectors which will be more effective at boosting the signal-to-noise and before you know it, the opportunity you are looking for will be staring you in your face.
If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one to hear it, did it make a sound?
The sound of your voice tells a lot about your personality. Are you someone who is confident, in control, or are you someone who needs to be told what to do. It might seem unfair that when you meet someone for the first time, you are judged based on your voice first, then other parameters. But, you do the same to others. It is one of the many mental heuristics put in place by evolution.
Our ears are different from our eyes in that there is no “lid”, or an “off” switch. Our ears are always on. They must constantly deal with Signal to Noise problems. Realizing this, we need to make sure our audience is hearing what we are saying.
So the next question is, what can I do to make sure I am heard? Excellent question. I have put some thought on this topic, and based on what I have read, seen and heard, here are 3 things to help you be heard.
1. Breathing from the Diaphragm
Have you ever seen a baby sleep? When they are breathing, pay attention to their bellies – they expand and contract like a balloon. This is the most efficient way to breathe. You pull your diaphragm down and allow air to fill up your lungs completely, then deflate using your diaphragm again.
Proper breathing is the first step to proper speaking. This will facilitate point # 2 below. There is an excellent article on diaphragmatic breathinghere.
In addition to these conscious breathing exercises, a couple of additional things you can do:
Meditation: which is simply conscious breathing, while keeping your mind clear of any thoughts
Swimming: helps with efficient breathing and forcing diaphragmatic breathing
As an added bonus, breathing from the diaphragm will passively improves posture, which will in turn improve confidence.
2. Location of Your Voice
When you speak, sound waves need to first bounce within your body before you send them outwards. This can happen in one of three places:
Nose: very nasal sounding voice
Throat: somewhat deeper than nasal
Chest: very deep voice, public speakers and leaders typically speak from down here
Try this yourself, you can pick which of the above three areas your voice comes from. This will affect how authoritative you are perceived as.
3. Vocal Exercises
Like any muscle in the body, your mouth organ needs to be exercised for optimal performance. There are numerous suggestions on this by the experts (which I am not), but here are a few that I like.
Julian Treasure has made a career out of this subject. He is an expert on this and has several TED talks and books written.
You may bot want to be a public speaker, or the next great military leader, but being conscious of what you sound like is something we can all benefit from in our daily lives.
There is a fire in the town of South Park, Colorado. A residential building is ablaze, and people are trapped inside. The fire spread very rapidly and now it is completely out of control. The fire captain is quickly running out of options. Then suddenly, when all hope seemed lost, the police officer notices…
Officer: Wait. Look! Up in the sky!
Fireman: It’s him! My God, it’s really him!
Fire Captain: He’s come to help us. Captain Hindsight!
Pedestrian: Who’s Captain Hindsight?
Announcer: Captain Hindsight, the hero of the modern age. [a series of comic book pictures follows] Once known as Jack Brolin, a reporter for the national news, the hero was born when a freak accident gave him the amazing power of extraordinary hindsight. From toxic spills to unjust wars there is no task too large for… Captain Hindsight! [the hero descends and lands next to the firemen]
Fire Captain: Captain Hindsight, thank God you’ve come!
Captain Hindsight: What’s the skinny?
Fireman: There’s people trapped in that burning building, Captain Hindsight. And the fire is so massive we can’t get to them.
Captain Hindsight: Hmmm… You see those windows on the right side? They should have built fire escapes on those windows for the higher floors, then people could have gotten down. And then on the roof: they should have built it with a more reinforce structure, so a helicopter could have landed on it.
Fireman: Yes, of course.
Captain Hindsight: And then you see that building to the left?
Fire Captain: Yes.
Captain Hindsight: They shouldn’t have built that there. Because now you can’t park any fire trucks where you really need to. [stands up tall] Well, looks like my job here is done. Goodbye everyone! [takes off]
Fireman: Thank you, Captain Hindsight!
Officer: Thank youuu!
Fire Captain: All right everyone, I guess that’s it. Let’s pack it up
Captain Hindsight is the worst superhero of all time! What we really need is Captain Proactive.
Proactive vs reactive
“The best way to predict your future is to create it.” -Abraham Lincoln
What does it mean to be proactive and why is it important?
I think the Captain Hindsight story above is a great way to stress the importance of being proactive. Being proactive is one of the 7 key habits of highly successful people, as Stephen Covey mentions in his excellent book on the subject.
Being proactive is important because this is something that sets you apart. Most of us are reactive. Stuck in the rat-race, looking for the cheese, too busy to look up. The ones that do look up, quickly figure out the best way to get the cheese is to think outside the box.
This point of Proactive vs Reactive is beautifully explained in this video:
Goals vs Systems
I will mention one important distinction between goals and systems: goals are temporary, systems are not. Although goals have their place, we should focus our efforts in creating systems of proactivity that will last beyond that one goal accomplishment.
In his excellent book titled “An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth”, the Canadian astronaut Colonel Chris Hadfield, talks about the importance of having a “Plan B”. The Colonel talks about how a significant portion of astronaut training is focused on having multiple Plan B-s for every operation. The astronaut must know each of these alternatives, and know them very well, before every mission.
This might seem a little excessive for civilian life but drives home the importance of proactive thinking before every task.
The Worst-Case Scenario
Thus, before embarking on a new venture, ask yourself these simple questions:
What is the worst that can happen? So long as this worst-case scenario does not endanger your life or someone else’s, 99% of “worst cases” are not really that bad.
What is the opportunity cost? I.e. the cost of doing nothing.
What is the best possible outcome? Most of the time, the gains from taking the risk are significant.
The passive benefit for doing this every time, is creating a system where you get better at evaluating and preparing for any opportunity that becomes available to you.
Inspiration sources
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey
An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth, by Chris Hadfield
Leadership is a difficult topic. The book definition is clear: the act of leading a group or organization. But the practical definition, not so clear. How do you know what exactly a leader should do and shouldn’t do?
Organizational titles such as CEO, manager, supervisor, etc., can be seen as leadership positions, but there is more to being a leader than the title. In fact, one can be really good at their management responsibilities without having to lead their subordinates. And the reverse is also true: a manager can look to the person being managed for leadership.
I will discuss the idea of leadership as it applies to one’s career, as well as one’s family life. Because your family is also a group of people you lead.
Lead Yourself
Leadership is a difficult and draining task. You have to be “on” all the time. Your group is looking up to you all the time. This takes a lot of discipline. The best practice is to lead yourself. And the way to do this is to see yourself as a separate individual – or rather as two individuals – one is the leader, and the other is the follower. The leader’s job is to keep the follower accountable. Every action that the follower does, or plans to do, should be questioned: “is this something my leader would approve of?”.
It is then the leader’s task to guide the follower and remind them of the big picture. Indeed, the leader always reflects on the big picture. Once the two parts of you, the follower and the leader, become aligned, then you can qualify to lead others.
The Big Picture
A leader should know what the core message is. What is it that the group or organization wishes to accomplish? What is their mission statement? This is the “Why?”. Remember your Why and align your actions to this. Align your team by being in the driver’s seat. People tend to drift away – the ego gets in the way.
A practical example of this is during a presentation. If one of your team member is tasked with giving a presentation, and they start drifting away on a tangent, and you realize this will result in not having enough time to complete the message in the allocated time frame, it is your responsibility to stand up and bring them back. Don’t just sit there and hope for the best.
Invest in Your Team
The most efficient way to lead is to make your subordinates self-sufficient. Invest in training them, improving their productivity and efficiency. This frees up your time as a leader as well. Remember, you are the big picture person.
A leader will facilitate and encourage their followers, making them self-reliant. So long as this will align with the core values of the team. The leader’s job should not be to manage and micro-manage – that may be delegated to a “manager”.
The first step to lead is to pace. Pacing is listening actively, empathizing, and not solving a problem. Once you are at the same pace as the follower, then it is time to lead. I have explored this process in details here.
Your subordinates are under your protection.
Leading by fear only works for so long, before there is a mutiny. This is also called a dictatorship, and it never lasts.
Leaders Deal with Leaders
Leaders’ time is extremely valuable. Your team cannot afford to have their leader spending time in discussions that are unfruitful. Therefore, leaders deal with leaders – aka, decision makers. Your allegiance lies with your team first.
Team Morale
Finally, a leader isn’t much without people to lead. Being mindful of the fact that not everyone in your team is a high performer, is important. Team building exercises come in handy at keeping the morale high. Low morale is a vicious cycle and very contagious.
Encourage and nurture your team members who show initiative. Going above and beyond should be rewarded. This has the added bonus of incentivizing others to do the same. Another vicious cycle, but one that benefits the team. There is nothing wring with some healthy competition.
If you think you have what it takes to be a leader, then go for it. The world would be a better place to live for everyone!
